Oxytocin--A key to your success?

Oxytocin is a biochemical in the body that is all about bonding. It helps us to feel secure, safe, loved and connected in the world. When a woman gives birth, oxytocin flows and helps create a strong bond between her and her baby.

But how on earth does that relate to your level of success AND well-being as a woman in business? (If you're reading this and you're a man--you need oxytocin too, we all do, but building testosterone is far more crucial to you).

I personally would never have put the two together, except for some fascinating reading "When Mars and Venus collide" by John Gray, who teaches all about understanding the differences between men and women. This book focuses on how the two genders process conflict, and provides strategies to understand, work with and move through conflict with the opposite sex.

As women we are "wired" for connection. We solve problems by talking them out, being heard and listened to by others who care. Our brains have far more capacity for emotional connection than men's. Our emotional state is the key to our well being, and we balance our emotions by getting emotional support and feeling connected.

Historically, women lived in far greater connection to each other, and we received much of our oxytocin/bonding/support by being together and doing tasks like grinding grain, growing crops, and other communal activities. Now we don't live that way at all, yet we are wired for that.

All day long, we are working on our business at home, going out to a job, or juggling kids & work. During the day, our opportunities for bonding and connecting with other women, for getting the soothing and nurturing we need and sharing our feelings, are limited. If we have a partner, we may expect him (or her) to provide our oxytocin "hit" at the end of the day. This expectation is almost impossible for one other person to meet and what John Gray suggests is that we aim to provide 90% of our own bonding needs through internal work, connecting with other women, and activities that make us feel nurtured like baths, soft music, nature walks, massage, etc. Then we won't put unfair or impossible expectations on our partner and feel constantly disappointed.

Without a partner--or even with one--at day's end, we are oxytocin depleted and can feel drained, depleted and exhausted. This increases our sense of overwhelm about all that we have to do, and worry and anxiety can take over--until we can get a restorative dose of connection and sharing.

What are you doing, what can you do, to generate more oxytocin for yourself? This insight about what women need, has inspired me to explore this question further--through my writing, and through the groups I will be offering starting in July..on the launching pad for self-employed women.

Meantime, come explore this with me on Thursday June 3rd in a free group session (will be recorded) on "Successful Self Talk" and stay tuned for more on this here,
at the blog, as well as in future programs I offer.

Being a woman and having your own business IS different--we are not men and since business has in recent centuries been a man's domain, as women we need to redefine and figure it out for ourselves. Success that respects and incorporates a woman's different circuitry and ways of being--life on Venus--will look very different than than the traditional male model. (Many men are also questioning that model and we are collectively looking at the price we've paid for that model in our family life, health and in our marriages.)

As women--and as human beings-what do WE really need to be happy, fulfilled, productive and successful?

The old model is clearly not working--it's time to create the change we wish to see in the world!

To your success and happiness,
Ellen