Anger & other feelings you didn't know you had

On tonight's call, someone shared that she was told (I assume by a healer, therapist or psychic)that she had a lot of anger. She had been aware of other feelings, but not the anger. Her question was: How do I let go of it if I didn't even know it was there?

That is a very good question, which I did answer on the call, but it deserves more space.

First of all--I believe that emotions are an expression of energy, and that they are there for a reason, that they have a message for us. If we were not allowed to feel or express an emotion, it will go underground and show up in some other way--such as depression, physical pain, smoking, overeating, creating crises in your life. It won't go away until we address the underlying issue and hear the message. (Check out the book by Karol Truman "Feelings Buried Alive never die").

Our culture is essentially a culture of denial, where we are taught that only certain emotions are acceptable. Happiness, confidence, optimism are okay--but grief, anger, insecurity? Faggedabout it.

If we had learned how to make room for all our feelings, and to know that they are just energies arising that we can listen to, address, resolve and move through--we'd be much healthier, peaceful and live together a lot more harmoniously!

Each family has its own particular "rules" about which emotions (if any) are okay to express. And then there are the cultural rules too. Especially for women, anger is not an acceptable emotion. So we learn that any time we get angry, we should keep it inside, or express it in tears or sadness. It goes so far underground that we don't have a clue that we are feeling it.

Anger turned inside often shows up as depression, low energy and low self-esteem. Why is that?

There is a lot of life force energy in anger, and when we disconnect from it, we also disconnect from our life force. In Polarity therapy, anger is associated with the Fire Element. In that system, Fire is our vitality, will power and seat of our digestive, where we turn food into vital life force or prana.

Every emotion has its positive purpose and message, and usually anger arises when we have been treated unfairly, hurt, abused or violated in some way, or our boundaries are crossed. It's mainly a survival emotion designed to keep us safe and out of harm's way and to let someone know when they've crossed a line with us.

With anger, it's important to create a safe space or get support to feel the feeling. That may be with a healer or therapist, or trusted friend or family member.

Here are some ways to help you get in touch with and deal with anger--or any other feeling that needs to be healed:

1) Journaling and self-discovery: Spend some time journaling. You can ask yourself, "If I were angry, what would I be angry about?" or "If my anger had a voice, what would it say? And what age is that voice?" You can also do a left right hand journaling exercise. With your dominant hand, you write a question, like "Why am I angry?" with your other hand you write the answer. You may be surprised at what you discover.

2)Learn a technique called Focusing, which was created by Eugene Gendlin, or find a practitioner who knows it. It helps you to discover your emotions by reading backwards from your body sensations.

3) Study your own body cues. Tight shoulders or jaw, high blood pressure, acid reflux and other digestive disorders are common signs of repressed anger. Chronic depression can also be a sign of anger. Start noticing when you hold your breath, clench your teeth, or develop a belly ache. What was happening right before those body symptoms appeared?

4)Learn the Sedona method--for releasing and letting go. Wtih the Sedona method you may find that you have a great desire to control other people or life, or feel out of control--and that's often associated with anger. Sedona releasing doesn't require that you know what you are feeling, or have a label for your feelings in order to let them go. As a Sedona coach, I can teach you some basics and support you in practicing the method.

5) You can also learn EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which you can teach yourself or learn from a practitioner.

6)Do some body-oriented psychotherapy or energy work. This could be a therapist, massage person, practitioner of Polarity therapy, Gestalt therapy, Somatic experiencing, Core Energetics, Rubenfeld Synergy, bioenergetics or some other form of body oriented therapy that includes emotional release. I am trained in Polarity and Gestalt and have a lot of eexperience in supporting people through emotional release work.

Sometimes even with the best self help methods, we can't get to the deeper issues. This is because in order to survive, we had to create defenses to get through life..and these defenses get in the way of accessing the feeling (they are designed to protect us against feeling painful or uncomfortable feelings). It can be done but it takes some training to be your own therapist..and even when you do have that skill, there are just some things we need the help of another person for.

If a certain emotion keeps coming up, or you just don't feel cleared and resolved, that's a sign you need more support beyond what you can do for yourself.

Be compassionate, patient, and open to guidance and it will come. I am happy to explore how my skill set can be used to help you with this.

Every emotion you reclaim is another piece of aliveness and healing, and allows you to be more present and aware. Accessing our emotions makes us healthier on all levels--physical, mental and emotional.

When we can access and feel our anger, fear or grief, that helps us to also feel our courage, joy, peace and happiness. We are then free to play all the keys on the piano, as my teacher John Beaulieu used to say.

To your freedom,
Ellen

P.S. How would you live if you knew that every feeling you had was acceptable, natural and beautiful, and a message from some part of your self that needs something?