It's February: Be Your Own Valentine with Embodied Self-Love

Our monthly focus for Valentine's month is "Embodied Self-Love".

The phrase “Love yourself” is used so often that the words started to lose their meaning. I knew that feeling love for myself makes me feel happy, and I also understood that self-love is a key to better relationships.  Although a cliché by now, it's true that “In order to be loved by others, or truly love another, you have to love yourself first”.

I knew that self-love was important yet it was becoming another task on the do-list. More "work"!   I've been learning ways that really work and make self-love more joyful, which I'm happy to share with you.
 
 I practice self-love through kind and compassionate self-talk.  Monitoring my thoughts and being more careful with the words I “speak” to myself, is an empowering new habit. These days—most of the time, even when I “slip” into speaking poorly of myself, or beating myself up, I see it faster and forgive rather than judge myself for that.

 Awareness Practice: To deepen your awareness of your self-talk-imagine the voice of your ‘inner roommate’ as if you could hear it externally, like the sound of another person’s voice.  Write down the words you hear and then ask yourself: “Is this really true? Is it kind, is it necessary? Is this what I need to hear right now?  What is this inner critical voice trying to do for me (usually it’s trying to keep you safe) and is this the best way to do that? What would be a more supportive way to talk to myself?” 

Take this a step further, beyond mental awareness, into the body.   I’ve been doing that this past year, and I feel the difference on a cellular, tangible level.  My love for my whole being, my desire and joy in taking loving care of my health, my body and my boundaries, is stronger and deeper. After my initial resistance, I know enjoy this and look forward to it.

This practice took root in me after a workshop with my wonderful qigong and Daoist teacher, Daniel Villasenor, who said, “You can grow self-love simply by self-cultivation (mindful touch).”  Curious to see-- could it be that simple to cultivate self-love like a seed, with touch?--I began.  Gradaully I’ve grown to love it and treasure the gifts I receive from it—vitality, pleasure, and self-love.  Try it, you’ll like it!   

Embodied Self-Love Practice--simple, yet profound.  What is this? The embodied self-love practice is about touching yourself regularly with love and kindness. Through doing this, it becomes natural to appreciate your body more, and feel more sensual, sensitive and fully alive.

Daily, or a few times a week, touch your body like a caring friend or lover, using organic coconut or grapeseed oil.  Depending on the time you’ve set aside, you can massage the whole body, just the face, or whichever places that want your touch the most, and don’t be shy to include your intimate areas.

Make it a ritual, use soft music or candles if you like.  It doesn’t need to take long, most days it’s about 10 minutes for me, though sometimes I treat myself to a longer ‘session’. You can do this any time of day, though some people find it too stimulating at night.  (I can share more with you about this practice privately or in a small group call, so contact me with your questions)

How does this work? The body is literal—it translates being touched with love to “I am loved.  My body is lovable, my life matters.”  We learn this in infancy—only infants that get touched will thrive and touch tells the infant it is loved.   (This concept is the basis, in fact, of the “Self-Acceptance Repatterning”.  I'm very happy to offer you this session or whichever repatterning you need to increase your self-love and acceptance.) 

Touch feeds your parasympathetic nervous system, which in turn helps you relax, and feel more connected to yourself and to others.  It will help you digest and sleep better, and feel more peaceful.

From a Daoist point of view, self-touch, especially around our intimate areas, enlivens and reconnects us to our jing, the core creative and procreative energy that gave us the spark of life.
From concept to embodied reality, this practice generates an internal feeling of goodness, acceptance and pleasure--that which I always longed for a partner to provide. Embodied self-love can be your key too, to being more fulfilled and free from any dependence on a partner or friends for approval and attention.      

If you desire a new partner or a richer relationship with your current partner, embodied self-love will help you come to your relationship full, rather than from lack or neediness.  It will benefit you even if you are not in partnership or not wanting one, by freeing you to experience more love, pleasure and satisfaction.

It’s a great way to finally end that vain effort to fill a hollow place in yourself with water from another’s well, to liberate yourself from needing food, substances, entertainment, money, achievement or material goods to feel satisfied.  Now THAT is abundance and true flourishing!    

Experiment, let me know how it goes. I’m here for encouragement and guidance if you need it.  Let the joy, pleasure and self-love begin.
Here's to loving and celebrating your glorious Self, 
Ellen .