A recipe for success & confidence: Kindness & Self-Compassion

This post is for those of you who don't find macho self-talk to be very helpful. You know--"Just do it." "Get over it" maybe even "No pain, no gain"--that kind of talk. We've been conditioned to muscle our way through those times when we're fearful, stuck or holding back from taking our big leap.

I'm not sure that macho stuff even really works for men, although their main feel- good hormone is testosterone, which is activated by challenge. While women do enjoy challenges too, our main feel-good hormone is oxytocin and that's activated by love, communication, things that increase feelings of bonding and connectedness, not our sense of rugged individuality! I personally don't get too energized by the macho talk, and don't believe most women do either.

Yes, clearly there are times to just get into action..but how do you get there easily, and in a loving and heart connected way? Can you motivate yourself without beating up on yourself or creating other kinds of trauma for yourself? After all you're already feeling afraid or hesitant--so is a harsh taskmaster voice going to help you move forward?

This is what we will be exploring--and repatterning--on my next f*ree teleclass group session, entitled: Self Talk for Success. Come join if you can (see two posts earlier in this blog for the call in details) at 11am Mountain time, Friday June 4th.

Whether you can be on the call or not, here are some questions for you to explore and work with. And you are always welcome to do a private session or series with me around this topic. After all, couldn't you use more self-love and confidence?

Please try to answer each one in turn without reading the next one (I have my reasons for the sequencing!).

1.What IS working for you right now in the way you talk to yourself, think about yourself or speak about yourself? What areas of your life are you more encouraging and supportive to yourself? How do you notice and celebrate yourself and your accomplishments? Start noticing and writing down phrases that you say to yourself or out loud to others--about yourself and especially about your work or your business. They may be positive and empowering, like “yes, I CAN do that.” Or “I’m really good at __________” or “I appreciate myself for _______”



2.How easy or difficult was it for you to answer #1 above? Did you notice a first impulse to look at what you don’t do well, or the ways you don’t talk positively? Did it feel odd to start with “what do I do right?”. Just notice!


3)What are some of the phrases or words you use to yourself, about yourself in your mind, and about yourself to others that are de-energizing, disempowering or putting yourself down? For example: “I can’t handle this” “I am overwhelmed” “I never complete anything” “Why can’t I ____?”

Please answer these questions in the context of your business, workday or other work-related or creative activities:

1) Which areas are you most encouraging and self-supporting in, and which are more difficult for you to be kind and loving to yourself?

2) Are there certain times of day, certain tasks or situations which bring out your Loving Encouraging Coach self, your Inner Critic or your inner child?

3) Is there a need pattern that tends to bring out your Inner Critic? For example when I need a nap, a break or some exercise, I tend to get cranky and critical of myself or another person. This could be a physical need (ie low blood sugar, need to eat) or an emotional/mental one (needing contact after being alone too long).

4) What possible payoffs do you think you get (or did you used to get) for being self critical, putting yourself down or being hard on yourself? Was/is there someone in your life who might be pleased (consciously or unconsciously) by your keeping yourself down?

Enjoy your discovery process and I hope to hear you on tomorrow's call!

Many blessings,
Ellen