Neediness: What' so wrong with it?

I wanted to share some helpful teachings for anyone who is going through depression, health challenges, hard financial times or being challenged in making a living. During these times, all of our self-doubts, our insecurites, questioning if we are good enough, if we have anything to offer..rear up out of the depths of our subconscious. It is not an easy place to be and I personally have visited those places this past year.

The worst part is not necessarily even the circumstances, but what we tell ourselves about them, what meaning we ascribe. It's easy to go into judgement and shame about being broke, depressed, unable to pay for the help we need, or even feeling unable to help ourselves. On top of what's going on, we layer on shame, self-critcism, etc. for being in a needy place.

A dominant idea in our culture--which almost all of us have bought into, whether we consider ourselves mainstream thinkers or not--is that being needy is about the worst thing. Rugged individuals, we are to be self-sufficient, able to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps at all times.

Look at how our culture treats people with needs--the poor, the homeless, the disabled, the elderly. Even in metaphysical circles, we are often reminded that we are creating our own reality. It is true--and ultimately,on the big picture level, So if we are broke or depressed, we have created that and it is up to us to get ourselves out of it.

On one level that is true--we are responsible for our lives and how we think, feel and react. AND yet, we're not doing it all alone--we are constantly co-creating that with a higher Intelligence and our soul's chosen life lessons, our destiny.

But when you are in a hurt child place, when all you can feel about life is a resounding NO, or you just want to be held and comforted, judgement and shame wont' help. They will just make you feel worse, more helpless and keep you down even longer.

Time for a fresh look at the whole idea of having needs. Here's a really positive perspective from Sufism which Mark Silver has shared in his writings on Heart of Business, bringing spirituality into the business arena. The Sufis say that being needy is the human condition. We are born dependent on our caregivers for food, water, warmth, touch and care...and throughout our lives we depend on food, water, air from the Earth. We depend on others for love, comfort, our life force itself comes from Source/Spirit/God. We can't live for long at all without taking in something from outside ourselves.

So why not accept that needs are part of being human, of being alive, rather than fight or judge this being human? We simply must depend on others, and on the Source of all, to help us--at times more than others. At those times, our "job" is to ask for grace, and to completely turn it over. When self-effort is completely beyond us, or we just need a boost, it's okay to ask. In fact, this is how balance is created in the Universe.

When you do ask, let yourself be receptive and open. Let the grace come in whatever form it will...the kindness of a stranger or a friend, an unexpected gift of food, money, a healing....an inspiration for a new way to make money..a mentor..a poem or song that uplifts you. Throw off the shame about being human and having needs and let the Source of All return you to a place of peace, connection, trust and hope.

We already know that we are "spiritual beings having a human experience"; now it's time to full embrace being human while having spiritual experiences!

Here's to embracing, celebrating and honoring our needs...and being open to having them met.

Many blessings,
Ellen